Realizations
by rayofsunny
Summary: Sam discovers her feelings for Freddie by writing in her diary
1. Kiss Me Again

_Dear …book (I still refuse to call you a diary; Sam Puckett does not have a diary!)_

_I can't believe this! I should HATE him! But…I don't. Well, I never truly hated him but I still shouldn't be having …"those feelings" about him. He's Freddie! Freddork! Freddicinni! Freducation! Dork, nerd, nub! And I'm Sam, tough, abrasive bad girl. But when I saw him dancing with Carly at the Groovy Smoothies, something inside me just…cracked. I didn't know what I was feeling; I just had to get out of there. Now, after that night, every time I see a girl flirting with him, it tears me apart, and against my will, reminds me that I have a crush on someone who will not only never like me back but is in love with my best friend of all people. Today in class, I just kept staring at him! I looked at his muscular arms, his soft brown hair, his big chocolate brown eyes and…his sweet pink lips. As soon as my gaze landed on his lips I started remembering how it felt to have his lips pressed against mine. I thought about how sweet and gentle he was while kissing me, how soft his lips felt, and how sweet they tasted. It was then that I realized…I want him to kiss me again. He's just so sweet, and smart and funny, and so cute. And I want him to be mine. Mine and no one else's. Too bad that will never happen._

_Sam_


	2. You Belong With Me

_Dear book,_

_I AM SO MAD. I'm mad at him. I'm mad at myself. He's making me feel all…girly and soft…and NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is allowed to make Sam Puckett feel that way! Especially not adorable nubs. Today was the worst. And you know why it was so bad? Because Nicole…this girl in one of his AP classes starting flirting with him in the hallway right in front of me! Damn Freddie…why did you have to be so cute! She kept touching his arms…and his hair…ugh! It was so disgusting! I just wanted to rip her head off and stomp on it! I can't believe I got jealous over _Freddie Benson! _He's such a jerk making me feel all happy and giggly whenever I think about him or he looks at me or I look into his deep brown eyes…ugh! Get it together Puckett! He's _Freddie! _But even though he's a nerd and a dork the thought of him with any other girl besides me makes me want to puke up blood. __ What am I going to do! It's bad I already had to watch him drool all over Carly for years. And now that he's all muscular and deep voiced thanks to puberty half the girls at schools are all over him. It's just too bad that they don't like him for who he is. They only like him for his looks, his larger than life brain or iCarly. And Freddork doesn't even notice! Poor Frednub thinks they like him for who he is. Well Frednerd, they might not like you for who you are…but I do. I need to go hit something…_

_Sam _


	3. Madison

_Dear book,_

_Remember how that girl was flirting with Freddie? Well, something even worse happened. Freddie got a girlfriend. __ Yeah, her name is Madison. She works part time at the library at school. Freddie asked her out for smoothies two weeks ago and she said yes. Carly was ecstatic. (She always is when Freddie shows interest in a girl besides her). I faked a smile and pretended to be happy for him. Even though he asked her out two weeks ago, Freddie just told us yesterday that they are officially together. I can't believe Freddie has a girlfriend. And it's not me. __ Plus now Carly is getting all suspicious because I don't want to hang around her and Benson anymore. It's the worst thing ever to have to listen to him go on and on about her. "I met this insanely hot girl at the library!" "She agreed to go out with me!" "She is so beautiful." Ugh, gross! I can't stand to listen to him talk about "Maddie." Even though I try to avoid him as much as possible now, I still see him at school. With her. Yesterday I was walking into school and right in front of me is Freddie hugging Madison. He kissed her cheek and I looked away because I can't take anymore. Carly is upset that I don't seem happy for Frednub. But she can't know why I can't be happy for him. Seeing Freddie with Madison breaks my heart. I need ham… _

_Sam_


	4. Confession

_Dear book,_

_Last time I wrote I told you that Carly was getting suspicious because I didn't hang around her and Freddork as much as I used to. The reason for that is Madison, Freddie's…ugh…girlfriend. I just can't help but hate Madison. Okay, I don't really hate her but I don't like her for taking Freddie away. I know he was never really "mine" but still…Carly and Madison get along great. They are always together, when Madison isn't with Freddie. Sometimes all three of them hang out. I'm always invited to join them, but I always turn it down. I don't want to see Freddie and Madison together any more than I have to. Anyway, Carly invited me to go to the movies with her, Freddie, and Madison and I said I couldn't go. Because I had kept turning down offers to hang with them, Carly confronted me. She said "Why don't you ever want to hang out with us anymore? Do you not like Maddie? What is going on?" I told her I couldn't tell her and she got pretty upset. So after much persuasion by Carly, I told her I would tell but she had to ankle swear not to tell. Then I said it. Three horrible words-I like Freddie. Carly was shocked, to say the least. I continued, pouring my heart out to Carly. "I like Freddie, and I can't stand to see him with Madison, because I want to be the one he holds, and hugs, and kisses. I want him to put his arm around me and to hold my hand but at the same time I just want to pound his nerdy little face in for making me feel all girly, and soft." Carly and I had a good talk tonight. I told her everything I felt for Freddie and she sympathized with me having to see him with Madison. I'm so luck to have a friend like Carly…and this plate of bacon, it's like a beautiful greasy dream._

_Sam_


	5. Whenever You're Ready

_Dear not-a-diary,_

_Today the worst thing ever happened. Freddork got suspicious. I guess I should have known it wouldn't take Freddie much longer than Carly to realize something was up. He came up to me after school and we began to walk to Carly's together. I asked him where Madison was while hiding my slightly sweaty palms in the pockets of my jacket. He replied she worked in the library after school a few days a week. What a dork. Perfect for Freddenstein. Freddie then asked me why I didn't like his girlfriend. "Because she's taking you away from me" I thought but instead I replied with "I like her fine, Freddio."_

_He told me he wasn't stupid and how he had noticed how I never spent any time with him and Carly when Madison was with them. He said he noticed how I didn't try to be friends with Madison like Carly did. I tried to lie but he cut me off. He said he knew me well enough to know that something was wrong, I couldn't take the way he was staring at me with his big beautiful brown eyes…they are like perfect little pools of gravy. My whole body froze up and my heart started pounding under his intense gaze. Why wouldn't he look somewhere else that wasn't at me?_

_I told him I was fine and that Mama can take care of herself just fine, nub. He laughed his beautiful musical laugh and said he knew that. "But Sam," he added. "Even the toughest of people have their moments. Obviously, you aren't going to open up to me right now and that's ok. Just know that it's okay to be scared Sam, and Carly and I-we are your friends and we care about you. We want you to be okay Sam. I want you to be okay. When you're ready, come find me and I'll be here ready to listen."_

_I called him a sappy nub, but secretly I felt…awesome. That was cheesy-super cheesy-but in a way it was also really sweet. There he goes again, making those butterflies appear in my tummy. Stupid cute dork. I told him again that I was fine and didn't need to talk to him. He picked up his bag to go, then turned around to face me. "Whenever you're ready Sam," he called back to me. "Whenever you're ready."_

_That was the moment I realized it. The most horrible thing ever. As he gave me his signature smirk and left, I realized it. I am in love with Freddie Benson._


	6. Hate That I Love You

_Dear book,_

_ I can't believe this! I'm in love with Freddie! Of all the guys in the world, why did I have to fall for Frednerd? Just cause he has gorgeous brown eyes that remind me of gravy, soft sweet tasting lips, and that dorky but soft hair. Puberty was very kind to him and I hate him for that. Obviously, there are other cute guys out there, but none of them appeal to me anymore. None of them have a dorky passion for technology and Galaxy Wars. None of them care about Carly and me the way he does. None of them stuck with me even after all the horrible things I did. None of them are Freddork. I have to get over him, but I don't know how. I'll ask Carly to help._

_ Tonight, Fredducinni is taking Madison on a special date for their three month anniversary. That's right, it's been three months. Three months of seeing him with _her_. Three months of pain and heartbreak. Three months of Carly trying to make me feel better while not giving my secret away to Fredison._

_ It's stupid really. I sound all girly and mushy and gross all because of some stupid guy. I feel like my twin sister, Melanie. Girls at school are still flirting with him even though they know he has a …ugh…girlfriend. Stupid Fredenstein doesn't even realize that they're flirting with him!_

_ And speaking of the nub, he still hasn't stopped asking me what's wrong. He keeps saying he knows I'm upset about something, but he can't figure out what it is. He keeps saying he cares about me and wants to help and all of this other annoying but really sweet junk. Why is he making it so hard to stop loving him?! Ugh. I need to go steal a ham._

_Sam _


	7. The Fight

_Dear book,_

_ Tonight, Freddie is taking Madison on a special date to celebrate their three month anniversary and share their hundred day kiss. The stupid nub hasn't shut up about it all day. I feel like I might just break down crying. What has this dumb crush done to me?! To make matters worse, when I went down to Carly's kitchen to try to find a rack of ribs, Fredward and his stupid girlfriend were sitting at the counter on the computer. He was showing her some techy chiz while she rested her head on his shoulder. His broad muscular…snap out of it Puckett! He's a nerd. A hot nerd. _

"_Hey Sam," Frednerd greeted me._

"_Hi, Sam," Madison waved at me. _

_I ignored them and made a beeline for the fridge._

"_Um…Sam?"_

"_What, Freddork?"_

"_We were kind of talking to you and you just ignored us."_

"_What's it to you, Fredbag?"_

"_Well, it's kind of rude to ignore us."_

"_I don't want to talk to you losers."_

"_Why do always have to be so mean? I know you hate me but do you have to be mean to Maddie? What did she ever do to you?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_Well then why-"_

"_Just let me enjoy my ribs in peace, would ya?"_

"_No, Sam, I'm not gonna sit here and be treated like this, and in front of my girlfriend-"_

"_I don't want to talk about your dumb little girlfriend-"_

"_She's sitting right here, you apologize-"_

"_Hey guys," Madison interrupted us. "Freddie, I think I'm going to head home. I'll see you tomorrow at school." _

_She stood up, kissed his cheek, and left Carly's apartment. Freddie turned around to face me with an angry expression on his face._

"_See what you did, Puckett?"_

"_Aw what's the big deal, Benson?"_

"_The big deal is that you embarrassed me in front of my girlfriend."_

"_So? It was gonna happen sooner or later."_

"_I hate you. You're messing up my relationship! You always mess up everything for no good reason."_

"_I have a reason."_

"_Well what is it?"_

"_I hate you."_

"_Gosh, you are so annoying! You can't even give me a real reason why you want to ruin my life! Because you just love messing with me and-"_

"_Because I-"_

_I stopped, realizing what I was about to say. Freddie was still staring at me, red faced and furious._

"_Because you what?!" _

"_Because I love you!"_

_Oh chiz._

_Sam_


	8. Shays to the Rescue

_Dear book,_

_It was like time had stopped. Like the earth was standing still. Freddie just stared at me, not saying anything. Why did I say that out loud?! I'm so stupid. After what seemed like forever, Frednub remembered how to talk._

"_Sam I-"_

"_Yeah, whatever, Benson," I cut him off. I pushed past him out Carly's door and ran all the way home. How could I tell Freddie how I feel?! What's wrong with me?!_

_ A little while later, I heard a knock at my door. I went to open it and found Carly standing on the other side._

"_Hey Sam."_

"_Carls."_

"_Are you ok?"  
>"Just peachy."<em>

"_Aww it will be ok Sam."_

"_No it won't Carly. I told Freddie I'm _in love _with him! And he hates me! He's never going to let me forget it and everything is going to be ruined."_

"_No it won't Sam. Yes, we may not know how Freddie feels but you and I both know that he's not going to torture you. Freddie wouldn't do that. He's not that kind of guy."_

"_I know he's not, that's why I like him," I muttered. "Stupid sweet little nerd."_

"_Aww," Carly smiled._

"_Stop smiling, Carly Shay!" _

"_Why, I think it's adorable that you like Freddie!"_

"_It's not like anything is ever going to happen." I felt the tears that had been building up at Carly's place start to spill over. We sat down on the couch and Carly pulled me into a hug. _

"_You have to talk to him. I can't stand to see you like this."_

"_I'm scared."_

"_I know and it's ok to be scared. But at least you will be able to find out how he feels."_

Freddie's POV **(didn't see that coming did ya ;))**

Sam just told me she loves me. Sam Puckett! I don't know what to do; she ran away before I could say anything.

"Dude!"

It was Spencer.

"Sam just admitted she's in love with you."

"You heard?"

"I think all of Seattle heard."

"I don't know what to do, Spence. She was really upset; it almost looked like she was going to cry."

"Well how do you feel about Sam?"

I started pacing back and forth.

"I like her, but I don't know if I _like_ her. I mean Sam's pretty cool but I never thought she would like me. And I have a girlfriend."

"So you have to make a choice. Madison or Sam?"

"How am I supposed to make that choice?!"

"You said you liked Sam as a friend. What do you like about her?"

I shrugged.

"She's cool, she's funny, she's creative…"

"Pretty too."

"Yeah, she's really cute and strong."

"Anything else?"  
>"Well I really like that whenever I come into physical contact with her, even when she's beating me up, I get this really good feeling that I never got with Carly or Madison. I get it even when she just looks at me."<p>

Wow. I guess I do have some feelings for Sam.

"How do you feel about Madison?"

"I like her, she's great. She's smart and kind. But…I love spending time with her, but I don't think I'm in love with her."

"How do you feel right now?"

"Honestly, I feel pretty bad about Sam leaving , and about the way she felt when she left."

Spencer placed a hand on my shoulder.

"So go to her, young Freddie. Fix it."

_Sam's POV_

_I heard the doorbell wring and got up to answer the door. My heart leapt out of my chest when I saw who was on the other side._

"_Freddie?"_

_Sam_


End file.
